I had a realization last night. I know this will be another "I have a realization today and tomorrow I'll forget about this and feel sick again". I was with a friend last night and I thought, I could really be happy, without the sad part that keeps on bothering my life. I have been finding it hard to move on and I know that it's really hard, that every single day, you think about how it used to be, and then you go to places where you went before and thought of those memories you shared, you think of those promises he made that broke your heart because he broke them. It was actually a struggle for me, every day. I would just be quiet at some moments and say, "God, I miss him." It's not like I would cry or something. I have accepted the fact that we're over. And duh, I was the one who called it quits officially because I am tired of him trying to make lame excuses just to get away from me. I have accepted that. What breaks me are those memories we've shared that continue to kill me every night, every day. They're like ghosts that haunt me. I still have lots of scrap memories in my hand. I just couldn't let them go because I would always think, "Sayang."
I was shocked when I learned that he and this girl got back together. Well, I knew it would happen, eventually. There were a lot of things that went through my mind, something good, something bad, something.. color. But then, after talking to some friends about it, I just realized, at least he'll be happy already. He'll get what he really wanted whenever the urge gets into his senses. But I am quite afraid, though. Because.. Oh my. I'm starting to laugh. Stop stop!
Okay, serious again. I just wish him the best. I hope he's happy and that he would take his words seriously even though I already heard those crappy promises he made today, before. I still feel bitter, though. I just thought. Because ours ended without any closure and all. But it's not like I would beg for a closure because duh, I won't. I just thought about it. It's funny how I still wish for best for him even though he just made crap out of me. I am just trying to be nice.
Back to what I was saying in the first paragraph, I realized that whatever happened to my past, and how hard it is for me now to move on in full state, I will still come to that point where I would be really happy without any worries, and not exactly with the love thing because as of the moment, I don't think that having a guy would make my life more meaningful. I mean, I am still not ready for that. Right now, I would really love to focus on my studies, my work, family and friends, especially now that I have my bestfriend already. I'll get pass through this. And I can say, I am doing a good job in trying to make my life better.
