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Just recently, I celebrated my anniversary of "singleness". Yes, I never had a boyfriend since my ex who is, I think, really happy right now, and I broke up. Don't get me wrong. I'm also happy for him.

So, what's really the status of my heart right now? In my previous post, I blogged about this guy I like who's not talking to me. And since that time, my heart's lie-low with everything.

A lot of things happened these past months which, made me realize a lot of things. I was surrounded with a lot of break ups and people with love problems. Looking at those people made me think more that love is so overrated. Don't get me wrong. This is just my opinion.

You meet a guy, you fall in love, you break apart. Isn't that always what happens in "love" or even liking someone? You lower your guard down, which is so hard, and then sooner, you'll feel crap and shit because one of you stops trying. That has been my mindset for the past year.

A lot of people are telling me that you'll never know unless you try, that not all are the same. Yeah, maybe not all are the same but the feelings you will feel will always be the same. You'll feel so happy that someone loves you and you love this person also. And later on, you'll feel crap and shit when things start to get weird. You'll never know unless you try, yeah maybe. But the things that will happen will always be the same, maybe not in the same way but the bottom line will always be the same. You will always get hurt.

I never liked the feeling of getting hurt (yeah who does). I never liked the feeling of wanting your friends to be always around because not having them will make you feel so lonely, like you struggle so hard not to think of those things. And you wait all day long because you're hoping he would send you a text message or whatever. Hate-st feeling ever! I hate it when you don't know what to do or how you're going to continue your life from where you left it. It's so weird.

Love has been too cheesy for me. I still get kilig with the small things people do but most of the times, it makes me feel sick. Even I don't like expressing my positive feelings to others. Actions have always been better than words. Well I guess my pride's too high to appreciate the big things.

For the past months, I tried to open my heart to some guys but no one ever made my heart melt. I guess the wall that I built for the past year is too hard to break. Although I've been talking to guys and hanging out with them, my feelings were never different. They're just the usual friendship feelings. The problem with this is, people always misunderstood my actions. Even I don't know if my actions are, you know.. Maybe I've become that numb.

But, there were two people who, apparently, caught me. It wasn't that serious and it lasted for just a couple of weeks but it made me realize a lot of things. They may look real but no, nothing's real in the world right now. And I was glad I got to know these two people.

So yeah, I'm not exactly looking for someone who would break my heart or make me oh so happy. But who knows? Someone might you know.. Haha!

Cons of Summer

Don’t get this wrong. I love my parents, no matter what but there are just times where I really hate how they handle things.

For the past year, I have learned a lot of things about life and I can say I’ve become more mature that I think I’m more mature than my parents. I was about to go with my best friend to Baguio for 3 days but my parents won’t let me. I couldn’t see the big deal with that. As you see, I don’t like the provincial kind of parents because they are too close-minded and old-fashioned. Why not let their kids enjoy their lives while they’re still young? If parents don’t let their kids get into things, how do they expect them to learn about life? Teenage life, I know, is quite dangerous but it is where the kids learn and become better persons. I don’t get why parents don’t trust their kids. I don’t get why parents want their kids to be by their sides 24/7. I mean, what the fuck, why don’t you get dolls rather than kids? I am speaking right now and before I even thought about speaking, I tried putting myself into their shoes. If I were a parent, I still won’t treat my kids like that. My life has been secluded and I never want my kids to experience this kind of life. I never want them hiding things from me just because I don’t want them going through these things. I can say, having a lot of experiences during teenage years is healthy, not only because you get lessons but also, you get to experience life in the fun times.

Also, I don’t like how my dad always tells me that he thought I want to take a rest this summer whenever I ask if I could go out. I mean, come on! Why’d you let me study in La Salle in the first place since you know that La Salle trains us to be active? This is one of the things that I like about La Salle. It trained me not to be contented with a bum life.

In addition to my hate towards my parents, I don’t get why they don’t let me go out when they don’t even want my friends to go in our house because they are ashamed of our house which they’re not doing anything about it. I mean, SERIOUSLY? What do you want me to do with my life? I’d want to go out and do extra curricular activities, but you still won’t let me. I’m in front of my laptop the whole day and then you tell me that my eyes’ grades are getting higher? C’mon. What do you want me to do? Sleep? You are teaching me how to be lazy which I thought you don’t want me to. Do you want me to clean the house? Okay, how am I suppose to clean the house if it’s so full of crappy things which has been there since forever because you kept on keeping things and don’t want them to be donated? What else, you want me to do this album about my debut? Why, is it my fault that you didn’t want to cash out for better and more professional photography company? And do you think that it’s an easy job to do lay outing? Why don’t you try yourselves?

I love my parents but their immaturities are annoying me big time. Why can’t they be mature for once?