When you have been raised being given with all the material
things on your list, people, especially parents, would always think that you’d
be fine. I have observed that with people whose parents have been separated, their
parents would always give their kids the things they want. I have realized that
the reason why they do this is because they wanted their kids to be happy
despite all the drama and pain they have caused their kids, thinking that it
would somehow make up for it.
I don’t have separated parents but I have all the material
things I wanted. My parents have given me everything they could give and I have
always been thankful for that, no matter how much they think I’m not. If you
look at it, I may have a perfect life. But I will tell you the statement that I
have realized myself, no one is perfect and you won’t have it all.
No matter how gifted I am when it comes to the material
things, I was never at peace. Maybe I was just eager to get these things
because I wanted them to fill out the emptiness that never left me since
forever. My parents would always tell me that I should be thankful that I have
everything and they have given those to me. I am really thankful. It’s just sad
that it seems like they think I am all “material” when they don’t even bother
talking to me, in a calm way. I always have those moments where I would almost
cry to my mom because of the heaviness of what I am carrying inside. But I
can’t, because it’s either they would give me a sermon or they would take it
differently. I think it’s because they are traditional. And they think that I
could never have any problem and if I do, it would be non-sense, because I have
everything in my life so what’s there to fail. So I tend to act like a strong
girl in front of them, with no feelings at all, someone who looks like she
doesn’t care, someone who looks like a happy-go-lucky person, which is pretty
much working. But does that make me feel happy? No, not at all. There are a lot
of aspects in my life in which they didn’t know I had problems with. And they
didn’t know how much they have consumed me. They just don’t know things, yet it
is as if I am not allowed to have problems. There are some things that I do
that they don’t understand and which they always try pinning back to the
material things issue. That’s a little complicated and tiring. If only they
knew how I have been for the last year, it’s a good thing that I am still alive
and trying my best to at least be steady. But often times, I just couldn’t
carry it anymore, especially now that my life’s a little complicated. I would
really love to at least get comfort from them, but if that means I will get
pinned down, I’d rather not. Besides, we have never gotten into an emotional
stuff so why burden them some more with what I carry? Though I think a parent-child
relationship that involves being comfortable talking about your feelings is
something that is very healthy and ideal. Too bad I don’t have it. Like I said,
you can’t have it all.
