Certain things have happened and I don't really know what to think or rather what to feel. Things happened way too fast that I wasn't really prepared of what I was going into which resulted to me feeling what I am feeling right now. I have long admitted that I am scared but I don't know if the people around me or if the person involved knows how much the degree of my fear is. I'm still fighting with the thoughts that are clouding through my head, especially those that my friends would say. I'm still constantly thinking of what ifs and things that I had myself believe in order not to get hurt again. And even if that I have heard the "it's going to be okay" line for a couple of times already, I am still scared and I still couldn't stop thinking about negative things.
I've never wanted to admit what I feel because I think that if I do, it would make things a lot worse. But things aren't worse. Things aren't even bad. I'm just the one who's thinking that it is because I admit that I am that scared. And now that I am starting to consider that 'stopping' could be one of my choices just so nothing gets bad, I couldn't think if it's going to be right. I know myself well. I know that if I give in to this, it'll only make me weak, that it will overpower the whole me and that I'm going to be miserable. But if I let this go, would it make me happy? Part of me wants to say yes because I would save myself from future pain and I would even save him from miserable me in the future. I don't know. I just don't know what to do. I think that if I tell the person any of this, he will get angry or think that I am getting so dramatic again. My friend told me that if he does get mad, he's not worth it. How does it really work? I'm getting tired thinking of all these things but I can't let this debate go. I still have to decide. I just don't know if I should decide on my own or decide with this person.
