Day 3

Since I know no one views this, I guess I need to let this out. I am hurting, a lot. And it fcking sucks that we have gone to this. I knew this point will happen, because it's a cycle but it's so damn hard when you know something better could've happened, like you could've been better and he could've understood you well. I know I have a lot of shortcomings and I could've been better. What saddens me the most is the fact that you have to let go of someone you knew would be worth it, someone you knew was the best.

It's so hard when you used to be there together for each other but you are there now, separated.  Like you used to hold hands and now you just don't want to hold each other's. Like you used to be so happy but things got so complicated and you weren't strong enough for the both of you. It's a massive torture that you will have to face every single day until you get better. I just wish I can fast forward.

I am hurting, a lot. The feeling that I have long avoided. Sometimes, I think, what if I didn't build walls, what if I went with the flow and just didn't try to sabotage what's making me happy and what I deserved. I tried to push you away because I am scared to get hurt but it still hurt me, especially you. I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you.

My thoughts are jumbled.

I need some time just deliver the things that I need for now, Everything that I feel's like a warm deep calm casting over me, And it's taking me to somewhere new

Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well, Since the last time that we spoke, you said "Please understand if I see you again don't even say hello."

What a night it is, when you live like this, All the love's still there I just don't know what to do with it now, You know, I still can't believe we both did some things, I don't even wanna think about, Just say you love me and I'll say "I'm sorry, I don't want anybody else to feel this way"

I'll admit I was wrong about everything, Cause I'm high and I don't wanna come down, All the fun that we had on your mother's couch, I don't even wanna think about.

I'm not strong enough for the both of us, What was I supposed to do, You know I love you.