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Just recently, I celebrated my anniversary of "singleness". Yes, I never had a boyfriend since my ex who is, I think, really happy right now, and I broke up. Don't get me wrong. I'm also happy for him.

So, what's really the status of my heart right now? In my previous post, I blogged about this guy I like who's not talking to me. And since that time, my heart's lie-low with everything.

A lot of things happened these past months which, made me realize a lot of things. I was surrounded with a lot of break ups and people with love problems. Looking at those people made me think more that love is so overrated. Don't get me wrong. This is just my opinion.

You meet a guy, you fall in love, you break apart. Isn't that always what happens in "love" or even liking someone? You lower your guard down, which is so hard, and then sooner, you'll feel crap and shit because one of you stops trying. That has been my mindset for the past year.

A lot of people are telling me that you'll never know unless you try, that not all are the same. Yeah, maybe not all are the same but the feelings you will feel will always be the same. You'll feel so happy that someone loves you and you love this person also. And later on, you'll feel crap and shit when things start to get weird. You'll never know unless you try, yeah maybe. But the things that will happen will always be the same, maybe not in the same way but the bottom line will always be the same. You will always get hurt.

I never liked the feeling of getting hurt (yeah who does). I never liked the feeling of wanting your friends to be always around because not having them will make you feel so lonely, like you struggle so hard not to think of those things. And you wait all day long because you're hoping he would send you a text message or whatever. Hate-st feeling ever! I hate it when you don't know what to do or how you're going to continue your life from where you left it. It's so weird.

Love has been too cheesy for me. I still get kilig with the small things people do but most of the times, it makes me feel sick. Even I don't like expressing my positive feelings to others. Actions have always been better than words. Well I guess my pride's too high to appreciate the big things.

For the past months, I tried to open my heart to some guys but no one ever made my heart melt. I guess the wall that I built for the past year is too hard to break. Although I've been talking to guys and hanging out with them, my feelings were never different. They're just the usual friendship feelings. The problem with this is, people always misunderstood my actions. Even I don't know if my actions are, you know.. Maybe I've become that numb.

But, there were two people who, apparently, caught me. It wasn't that serious and it lasted for just a couple of weeks but it made me realize a lot of things. They may look real but no, nothing's real in the world right now. And I was glad I got to know these two people.

So yeah, I'm not exactly looking for someone who would break my heart or make me oh so happy. But who knows? Someone might you know.. Haha!